you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!