life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free