that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason