I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.