i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her