Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
