Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
