I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
