My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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