so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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