I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
