So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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