I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
