so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
