No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
