but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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