Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
