I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
A+ Viking dick
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
