Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
