first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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