'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
