eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
