sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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