you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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