in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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