after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
