I'm so fucking centered right now
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
