i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You smell like stripper and shame
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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