So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
