Yo dont text me then not text me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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