Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
