if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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