he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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