im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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