1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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