i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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