Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
