think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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