Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
