So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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