Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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