When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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