so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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