Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
