My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You pole danced in your parka.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
