I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
