I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
