Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.