First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we're making bets on your personal life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.