It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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