I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize