New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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