It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Mom said you looked used
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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