they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
