i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
