My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
