Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
