I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
