hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The struggles of a small town man whore
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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