Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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