I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
