Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
