Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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