ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
