i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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