and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
