what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
